It Isn't What We Say Or Think That Defines Us, But What We Do: Actions Speak Louder Than Words.

It Isn't What We Say Or Think That Defines Us, But What We Do: Actions Speak Louder Than Words.

"It isn't what we say or think that defines us, but what we do" -  Jane Austen

How can we ever know who we truly are if we are saying one thing and doing another?

I said in my last post that I would write more about the breakdown of my last relationship. In a way, that quote sums it up for me! And actions speak louder than words.

My last partner was one of those who could talk the talk. People flocked around him because he exuded the kind of confidence that came with the spiel. I was instantly drawn to that, in the same way others were. But underneath, was a different story.

It was almost as though his head wanted him to behave in a way that seemed the 'right' way for the person he was in a relationship with (me), yet his whole being couldn't keep it up.
Don't fight who you naturally are. It's exhausting for a start, and why should you?
It was such a shame, really as he was (and I'm sure still is) a lovely guy. But he'd spent the first year of our relationship pretending to be something he wasn't just to please me. He pretended to like similar activities, held in words he knew I wouldn't respond well to, that kind of thing. Yet little snippets of the real him kept popping out, of course they did, because that was him!

I should have seen the warning signs; the serial relationships that ended in betrayal, but love is blind after-all. And I was taken in by the words. Never mind (yet) that actions speak louder than words.

When I sat down to talk to him about it he opened up. He didn't know who he was yet he was willing to mould himself to what I needed.
That was never, ever an option in my eyes. 
Trying to mould yourself to what a partner wants will never end happily because how can you be you, when you're trying to be someone else?

In the end I couldn't keep up with who was the real him and who was the trying to please him. Plus also when you're trying so hard to be someone you're not, you're bound to slip eventually and he did, in a way that broke my trust completely. His actions spoke very loudly and I decided enough was enough!

We can all learn lessons from this.

We need to be confident enough in ourselves that there is no need for the pretence. Surely we want people to like us for who we are, not who we want them to think we are?

Be Alone but not Lonely - We need to love ourselves enough to be alone. To not need another person to make us whole.

Embrace your imperfections - Everyone has them. It's what makes us who we are. And if we can learn to love them, then others will too. Or at least the others who matter.

Don't try to please anyone but yourself - Obviously in some situations (like at work, or if we have children) we need to please others. But in life, we have to focus on what makes us happy, and what we can do to exponentially increase our happiness, because no-one else will do it for us.

Be fearless - Once we free ourselves of the chains of fear, life has a whole new outlook. Options will present themselves that once wouldn't. I know it's one of the hardest things to do, and fear comes in such subjective vast forms. But little by little, break those chains.

And most importantly...

Be unapologetically yourself.

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